The Urge to Consume - Staying Minimalist for the Holidays

Yesterday, two weeks before Christmas, I made a trip to Costco. While I try to avoid this place during the holidays, I figured going in as early as possible with a cup of coffee might make it okay. And it was! It wasn't bad at all. 

I went in for two things. I'd already made the big trip to get all of the things I needed a few weeks ago, and now I needed to get the few things I'd forgotten. I needed chicken and chicken stock, and that was it. No extras, no gifts, and especially no desserts.  But I did want to peruse some of the aisles just for fun. 

That was my first mistake. With free time and the willingness to entertain buying, which isn't hard to do at Costco at Christmas, aisle after aisle had something that I could use, give, or need "for survival." And at the same time, every one of these things wasn't truly needed.

For example, I came across an eight-pack of Christmas hand towels for the kitchen. Of course, I wanted one for the season. It's standard for me to have a holiday hand towel in the kitchen, but the last one I'd had was now being used as a rag, and I needed another. But here was the real question ... did I need eight? 

I stood there looking at the colors of green, red, and blue, and longed for the soft cotton towels. I could easily justify this. I could use one or two and put the rest away for seasons later. But then I'd be storing them. Just "holding this for later," which is pretty much a cardinal sin for all minimalists. That's how we become maximalists!

But the price was right. Incredibly inexpensive. It was a worthy, needed, and inexpensive item. But, eight? I told myself I can go somewhere else, buy one towel, and call it good with zero waste, zero need to store more, and save money in the process.

I walked away from the towels. No one needs eight towels for their kitchen in any season. But Costco, and their advertising ways, made me think that I do; that I'm crazy for walking past this amazing deal! And if I were to do this with everything that tickled my fancy, it's how I would walk out of there with a cart full of stuff I really don't need.

Do you have trouble with this like I do? Here's a to-do list (I momentarily forgot to use) that kicked in once I came to my senses: 

1. Make a list

2. Only buy what's on the list

3. Don't look around unless you're willing to say no to yourself on EVERYTHING

4. Think about why you're buying: need or want?

5. Think about your budget

6. Remind yourself about your style: You are a minimalist

7. Think about staying on track financially

8. Only buy what's on the list (yes, I wrote this twice)

9. Run to the car after checking out, so you don't change your mind!

10. Sip coffee, pat yourself on the back, and drive home satisfied that you made it one more trip to Costco without buying something you didn't need.

So, I'm reconfirming how to shop and stick to both a budget and a minimalist plan because even though I've been doing this minimal thing for a while, it doesn't mean I'm never tempted to buy. And there will be trips that I do need to buy, or hey, sometimes, there's the occasional item that finds itself in the cart, and that's okay!

This trip was a good reminder that there will always be many reasons to spend: because it's fun, because I'm bored, have the money, and want to spend said money. But just because I can, doesn't mean I should. And that's where I want to be: willing to live with less, appreciate what I have, and have the courage and fortitude not to buy something just because it's there. 

Sometimes you just have to say no to yourself, walk away, and let the desire fade on its own (which may take time).

Merry Christmas, my minimalist friends. Stay strong, stick to the list, and all will be well! 

A Christmas to Remember

So far, this year has been nothing like I thought it would be. 

Both my boys moved out of the house earlier in the year, then both got married (the second wedding, a surprise!), and now it means Christmas looks very different from the previous 24 years. That's a lot of years to do the same thing and then to suddenly not. It feels a little bit like being hit by a car. What's going on? What happened? Am I hurt?

Because of that, a part of me wanted to not even put up a tree. What was the point? But let's be honest and realistic - I love Christmas. I love everything about it, from the decor to the music to the Hallmark channel. I love it all, whether my boys loved it or not (which they did.)

So, even if my boys wouldn't be home for Christmas this year, or at least not waking up to Christmas day the way it's been over the last two decades, I could decorate for myself. I could enjoy the season regardless of my circumstances. 

And now that things are different, I could even adjust a few things to make it simpler, less busy, and more the Christmas it needs to be.

What did we do differently? Well, here's a short list, but it's a chance for you to see what I'm changing - what I'm taking away and what I'm adding. And the biggest part about these changes is I could have done them when my kids were home, and really should have, but the pressure of having "the perfect Christmas" kept me from doing it.

Taking out:

1. No outdoor lights - This may be sacrilegious to some, but this year, we didn't do decorative lights on the house. It isn't that we don't love them; we do. But we wanted something different. Instead, we have a wreath that lights up with an automated timer, and it still gives our front door the light and the ambience we desire. Maybe we will again, but for now, this is a perfect fit for our simpler lives.

2. Fake tree - For years, we cut down a live tree. Nothing like the smell of a real tree! But, for various reasons, we didn't cut one down this year. (Truthfully, it was because we missed the window to get the permit. Oops! We were busy with a second wedding, and it slipped our minds.) Because of that, we dusted off the ol' fake tree, brought her out, and made do with her dwindling pine needles. Still a beautiful tree with a whole lot less work. We have the Christmas spirit regardless of the tree!

3. Fewer gifts - This one has been a gradual thing, but over the years, I've opted to get fewer gifts, but nicer gifts, for the family. This may be hard on the kids, like my nieces and nephews, but in the end, quality wins over quantity. I'm also opting for "usable" gifts these days, so items that can be eaten or used, or experienced, not collected and left to rot. 

Adding in:

1. More baking - My diet has changed over the years, as it does when one gets older. For me, I've omitted a great deal of carbs and sugar for protein and fat. My diet has to be a touch stricter than I like due to health reasons, but I am allowed to indulge a bit. And if there is any season to indulge, I'd say Christmas is it. I'm baking a few treats this year, I'm going to embrace the season, and I'm not going to feel bad about it!

2. More Christmas Books - With a simpler life comes the chance to do more of what I love, and for me, that involves more reading. I just perused a bookstore with a friend of mine, and we took photos of books that looked interesting. This way, we control ourselves from buying every book we see, and it allows us to look them up and see if they seem like a good read. Also, I tend to buy digital books these days over physical ones. I also borrow from my digital library (check out Libby if you haven't!) and save a ton of money that way. Holiday books put me into the Christmas season, and it's a small gesture that takes my mind off the changes.

3. More family and friends - With two fewer sons in my home, it allows me more time to be with friends and other family. And is there anything else more worthy than that? I have coffee and lunch dates scheduled for the next few weeks and the new year, and I love it. 

Our Christmas morning of cinnamon rolls and sausages will probably be relegated to just the sausages now. We did the cinnamon rolls for the boys! Yes, it's a tad sobering. But nothing is as constant as change, and with it, we will begin new traditions.

While it will be strange not to go into my boys' room to wake them up Christmas morning (or to find them waiting for us near the Christmas tree or their stockings), we can still FaceTime them, call them, text them, and one year, we will get time to spend with them again. It doesn't even have to be Christmas day, just a day designated as our "Christmas" is all I'll want because the best gift will be just to be with them again.

It's a simple Christmas Day for us this year, but it's going to be a beautiful one with just my husband and me and other family. We will spend it reflecting, I'm sure, but we will also adapt and learn new traditions and new ways of celebrating the season. 

'Tis the Season to Declutter

When times get complicated, it's back to letting go of things.

This has become my motto lately. As we enter the holiday season, it's the only thing I want to turn to: letting go. Since I'm usually the one finding, organizing, and buying the Christmas gifts, the burden of it falls on me (though, bless my husband, he does offer to help), but it's still overwhelming. Then there's decorating the house, cooking, meal planning, and on top of that, everyday life, like work and home life.

This year, both of my sons got married. This is not what we were expecting, and to be honest, I'm still reeling. There was a lot to do, and a whole lot of emotions and feelings behind it. And this is all amidst working, running a home, traveling, and everything in between.

So, how does one stay sane? How can I manage to deal with stress, sorrow, happiness, and life? I keep on paring down. I wrote an article last year about this, and thousands of you have read it. I was going through stressful life events and realized that eliminating stuff while I was going through difficult events helped me see things clearly and helped me adapt to a new normal.

I'm right back to that motto. 

When we're busy, minimal living sometimes gets put on the back burner. We have things to do, people to buy gifts for, and keeping things neat and organized, and free of clutter, does get set to the side. It's not front and center; it's way off in the back of an abandoned closet!

Fortunately for us, at least for me, when things get hectic, paring down to what I love is the immediate action I want to take. I can tackle that pile of mail I hadn't sorted through, organize a shelf that had accumulated things over the course of the last few months, and organize my wardrobe (eliminating the things I'm still not wearing - but thought I would - after years of being a minimalist). My inability to declutter while I was busy has now become the focal point, as I sift through my emotional state of letting go of both of my sons to their beautiful wives.

Decluttering through stressful times helps me cope with it all, and here's the real truth: being busy with minimalism is a form of therapy.

1. Clear the clutter, clear the mind: This is the number one reason why I declutter when stressed and why I should declutter when I'm going through things. When I clear the clutter around me, it helps to clear all the "open tabs" in my brain. As I let go and sort through the debris in my physical life, it allows me to focus on the emotional events I'm going through and sift through what I need to think about and what I truly don't. It allows me to breathe. Allows the overwhelm around me to dissipate. Clearing the clutter, getting rid of what I don't need and doesn't serve me, allows me to navigate my new life events - because let's be real, if you're alive, you're going to always be going to and from new life events - and with a new normal. When I can't see clutter, it helps me to organize my thoughts and break down the emotional clutter that I need to let go of, too.

2. Off of me, and onto others: When I go through my rotating clutter that comes in through the busy months, I find that so many of these things I can give to others. Many items, I can give to family members (items I don't or won't use, even things that were gifted to me), or to friends or someone whom I know could use the item. And most often, bags of stuff I find to eliminate will end up donated at my local thrift store, and allow tons of other people to make use of my unused items. When I focus on others, giving to others, it takes the focus off of me, and any hint of self-pity turns into the glory of giving. Shifting the focus off of me and onto others always wins the battle of the mind.

3. Out of Control, to in control: The thing about getting rid of stuff is that it's a huge way of retaking control of your life. I'm choosing what I allow in and what I want to take out. While we can't control what others do, we can control what we say, think, and do. And by extracting the things that clutter up our lives - an overstuffed closet, or a pile of things we bought that we really didn't need to buy - we gain a sense of control, a good control. We get rid of the unwanted and unneeded items and trade them for simplicity and peace of mind. 

As the holidays encroach upon us, take this time as a time to declutter all the things around you that you've been ignoring. These things are taking up valuable space in your mind! Think about giving gifts that your family and friends can use rather than "things" that sit around and take up space. And give yourself a gift this season: a holiday of simple living, filled with only the things and people you love.

When I go back to the basics of decluttering and pare down to what I love, I find that my life - even if it seems chaotic - has an order to it now. I have room to breathe, think, and live an intentional life full of giving, joy, and the willingness to deal with life as it comes to me, no matter what it is.

'Tis the season to declutter!

Key Pieces: The Way to a Perfect Minimalist Travel Wardrobe

Oops, I did it again.

I just got back from a pretty spectacular trip to paradise: the gorgeous island of O'ahu. My husband and I went there to celebrate 25 years of marriage. And we had the best time eating ridiculous amounts of food with ridiculous ocean views. It truly was paradise.

These days, every time I go to pack, I'm confident in myself that I will pack right. I've talked many times here about how I've learned to pack well, and as a minimalist, not only pack well, but pack in five minutes because it doesn't take long anymore. It's a breeze, and I want to keep it this way.

But this time, though I knew better, I still overpacked shoes. Yes, this is because I have a weakness for shoes, but it was also because I didn't have a key piece in my wardrobe. Let me explain. 

Most everything else I packed, I packed right. For a week's vacation, I was able to mix and match all my clothes. There was a single pair of shorts and one skirt I brought that I didn't wear, and that was because it had been a long time since wearing them; I didn't realize how uncomfortable I was in them. (I immediately gave them away as soon as I got home, by the way. No use keeping space for them.) Everything else was spot on. Yay, me!

But, the shoes... so I packed like six pairs. Guys, I know. You don't get it. But for women, we need shoes that go with different outfits because in Hawai'i, we like to change for meals. Just how it is. So, for dinner with my dresses, I brought several sandals. I realized while I was packing that:

1. I still have too many sandals I don't wear. I brought several because one pair went with one outfit, and the other went with the other. Why was I able to mix and match my clothes but not my shoes? That was my problem. I had the key piece of clothing to blend, but I didn't have the right key sandals to blend in with the mix-and-match outfits. That's when I realized I...

2. Needed a key sandal for all my outfits. I needed a neutral sandal that went with the maxi dress, one that went with my sundress, and one that went with a skirt. This same sandal could also be worn with my shorts and other outfits. This explained why I was frustrated with choosing the right shoes for the trip, standing in my closet with numerous sandals in my hands. Nothing worked for everything, and that got me to actually...

3. Buy the key piece while on my trip. I know. Crazy, but I was in a clothing shop on the island looking at a sandal, and it was exactly what I needed to go with everything. So, I bought it! And it really did go with every outfit. To the point that I ended up wearing them nearly exclusively every day. And left the other five pairs of sandals I brought just sitting in a heap in the hotel closet.

I don't think I've ever purchased a key piece for my wardrobe while on vacation before, but there is a first for everything. And in this case, it was exactly what I wanted and needed.

If I had had these sandals before the purchase, I could've left the other pairs at home. My packing for this trip (minus the one skirt and shorts, which were my fault... I should've tried them on before packing, and minus the extra sandals) would have been perfect otherwise. 

I have a trip coming up to Florida in February. I'm determined not to overpack one single item. And I can't wait to do it and tell you all about it. This time, it's going to be just right! Learn from me. Make sure you love what you want to wear, that it fits you, and that it mixes and matches with everything in your wardrobe. 

If you don't have those key pieces, find them, make your outfits revolve around the key pieces (like the sandals, or the blouse, or the pants), then eliminate the extras. Pare down, pare down, and, ultimately, pare down to love. 

Happy travels!

Fall Refresh for the Minimalist

Fall is here. And to me, this season is the "most wonderful time of the year." 

The holiday craze isn't here yet, but the days are finally getting cooler, crisp, and full of change. It's the beginning of returning home, of tending to the house to make it not just livable, but beautiful, loving, and resplendent with the season. It's a chance to watch fall envelope the leaves from green to auburns and golds; to grasp the season as it cools our nights and mornings.

Autumn means the return to slow living. 

Not that summer isn't full of slower moments, but in reality, many families are trying to squeak in the last vacation, and there are pool parties to go to, outdoor concerts, and beach days. It's a busy season. And it's also one that tends to bring in a lot of stuff. 

As far as I'm concerned, as a minimalist, there is "spring cleaning," but there should also be a "fall refresh." And I don't mean refresh in the way of new pillows for the sofa or candles for the tables (although, I did just bring out my pumpkin spice candle and it's all that I thought it would be: wonderful). I'm talking about a refresh in the home and purging a lot of what you just brought in (or things that didn't leave during the spring cleaning).

Here are a few ways to refresh your home this fall.

Wardrobe Rework: If you switch your clothes and box up spring and summer clothes to bring in fall and winter clothes, now is your chance to assess your wardrobe. Again. I'm pretty uber minimalist with my clothing, so all four seasons sit in my closet year-round. I know what I own fits me, and they're all things I wear. Can you say the same for your wardrobe? Before you put away the shorts and t-shirts, the skirts and tanks, and find the pieces you didn't wear. Can you say you'd wear it next year? If you didn't wear it this year, odds are high you won't next year. Set it aside for donation. Do this for every bit of your spring and summer wardrobe.

Summer Switcheroo: Vacations always bring in "stuff" for me. There are random souvenirs to buy (I do buy less now - I prefer the experience over a tchotchke), and yet, I often want the t-shirt, or a mug, or a magnet to remind me of the trip. What this means is I'm already thinking about the item at home that this tchotchke will replace. I've got other t-shirts that I once got from a vacation that would work better as a rag. Or that chipped mug I bought ten years ago can now be gently discarded for the new mug. One in, one out. Always a great rule, even for vacations, do-dads you (or I) just have to have.

Decorative Details: As a minimalist, there are only so many wreaths I want to buy, or decor I need for the house, without cluttering it up. So, I've decided to decorate (the little I do for fall) with natural items; things I can find just outside my door. I have a neighbor with a tree that is literally shedding acorns all day. I'm picking up the sweet acorns and piling them into pottery bowls. One for the coffee table, and one for the kitchen. It's natural, it's beautiful, and it didn't cost me a penny. We have wild turkeys roaming our neighborhood. They only molt once a year, and usually in late summer to early fall. That's right now! I have a small "bouquet" of turkey feathers in a vase on my bookshelf. It's unique and beautiful and fits right in with my vintage pieces. Look around: what does your neighborhood have that you can use decoratively?

We all need a little refresh once in a while. But often, it doesn't have to refresh us in the costly or material way we usually think of. Get rid of the excess to make room for more time. Time to bake, read, walk, play music, and drink hot autumnal drinks, all while watching the leaves change color right before our eyes.

They say the best things in life are free. Why don't you see if it's true for you, too? Refresh your home for fall by keeping only what is needed and eliminating the rest. Then, enjoy the season for all that it has to give you.

Happy fall.