Time to Think, Time for Silence

The other day, as I was walking on the trails in my neighborhood, I noticed something: no one wants to listen to silence anymore. In essence, people don't want to hear what's really happening around them. Whether it's physical, as in the birds chirping, or the psychological, as in the problems in your life you need to think through, it's as though we're all numbing ourselves to what's going on. 

During this walk, there were numerous people with headphones or earbuds in their ears; there were even some people listening to the radio - a radio for all of us to hear. Some were on their phones having a conversation - a loud conversation that I didn't want to hear on my peaceful morning walk. And don't get me started on the number of people on their phones while walking.

What's happened to us?

It's as if none of us wants to think anymore; none of us wants to dig deep into what we need to dig deep into. We'd rather have something else numb us from going there, and because of the ubiquitous internet and media, those numbing agents are available to use. 24/7.

This isn't to say that there shouldn't be time to talk on the phone, listen to music, or catch up on that podcast. It's good to know what's going on in the world. Podcasts are a wonderful way to learn, as are audiobooks. But let's face it: social media, the internet, television, and radio are taking the place of thinking for ourselves, or just plain thinking in general. We take others' opinions rather than taking the time to think through them on our own. We're listening to other things, so we don't have to really think about what we need to think about.

Because of tinnitus I acquired a few years ago (ringing of the ear) in my right ear, I've stopped putting in ear buds, so if I go to the gym, it's just me doing my thing without music (which is such a rarity - about 95% of people in the gym wear some sort of headphones - I know because I survey it every time I go to the gym!) I don't run with earbuds either, so I have more time to really listen to what's going on inside as well as outside.

What else are we missing out on by not listening to silence? 

1. Nature: When was the last time you took a walk just to listen to nature? It's truly remarkable. Nature sounds are both soothing and engaging. Was that a squirrel making that noise or a deer just coming out of the wooded area? Is that a dove I hear or an owl? Nature is comforting to listen to. Something we all can use in this digital and loud world.

2. Peace: Want to know how to raise your anxiety? Watch the news, listen to talk radio, and read about the horrible worldwide news online. We weren't meant to know everything about everything. It's chaotic. It creates heavy hearts. Listening to silence, and your heart beat, you calm your anxiety, your brain rests, and you can physically feel yourself relaxing into a peaceful state.

3. That Still Small Voice: When we silence the world around us, when we get into that mode of meditation and quiet, that's when we hear what's truly going on around and inside of us: what's bothering us, what we need to change, what God is saying, and what direction we need to go in. Silence creates clarity. How can we hear any of that if we're always online? It's impossible.

It's easy to see we're all guilty of this. Sometimes, we just want to flip on the television after a long day. But what if, just like the good old days, what if we ate dinner and then, once the dishes were done, sat down with a cup of something to drink and pondered the day? What if we picked up a book and looked out the window at nature instead of our phones? What if we hung out with family, talked about our days, and stayed off the television and internet?

We need time to think, time to reflect, and time to listen to silence after a day of busyness and a constant barrage of media everywhere we turn. We need time to think to live a life that is worthy and simple, but full of the things that make our hearts happy and souls filled.

I always make time for social media, television, or the radio... but what am I missing out on if I never lean into silence?

That's the question I wrestle with. And it's something I've come to terms with over the last few years. Are we really living tuning out of ourselves and into the world? I think it's the opposite. The less we engage in numbing ourselves, the more we can face who we are, and what we are, and change what needs changing.

Time to think means time to truly live.

Living Free: The Ten Commandments of Paying Off a Mortgage

March 7, 2025 - The day we paid off 
our mortgage.

We did it! Those are the words I thought of the moment we paid off our house a few months ago. All of the hard work and dedication to get there was worth it, but I'll be honest: it was hard.

When I became a minimalist, I also became obsessed with eliminating our mortgage. They work together. The less you own, the fewer things you have to spend money on. And the less you have to spend, means more money is available to pay down your debt. As someone who used to have a mortgage, a mortgage from California where no real estate is cheap (or anything else, for that matter), here’s the truth: if I can do it, you can do it, too.

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to own your home debt-free? Well, I sure wondered. I imagined it, wanted it, and when my husband finally understood how much freedom we would gain by paying off the mortgage (it took a few years of convincing him), we knew it was within our reach if we were persistent. I told him I wanted to go to Disney World after we paid off the house. Knowing I’d be giving up material possessions, needs, wants, and desires, to instead make extra payments on the home loan, Disney World was a nice image to go back to when the days were long.

But this mortgage obliteration didn’t just happen. The home loan didn’t disappear all because I imagined it gone. As with anything worth pursuing, just wishing for it didn’t make it go away. It depended on two major things: discipline and patience. Which, if you think about it, everything big in our lives - marriage, raising kids, running a business - all require discipline and patience to see them through.

Paying off a mortgage is no different.

Ever since my husband and I bought our first home over twenty years ago, I knew this: We have to get this thing paid off sooner than thirty years. I was thankful for the home, but the ball and chain - more specifically, the interest that the bank makes off our payments - was an eye-opening, soul-crushing weight that I wanted to get rid of as soon as possible. 

We moved twice since that first mortgage, which meant we had to restart paying it off with each house (especially since each house was progressively larger and more expensive). But, after having lived with a mortgage and now, for the last few months, having lived without one, I truly believe anyone can pay off their mortgage. Anyone. 

When I analyze it now, and look back at the years we worked on it, there were a handful of things, along with discipline and patience, that we made sure to do. I call them the ten commandments for paying off the mortgage. And here they are.

Thou shalt stop buying extras - No coffees out, no extra clothes, no extra gadgets, no extra vacations. All of those extras will come after the house is paid off. Trust the process.

Thou shalt learn to live without - As extras are no longer a part of your life, this means living without a lot: without the latest trend, car, phone, new closet, or gizmo. Learn to live without.

Thou shalt look at the budget weekly (if not daily) - You have to remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing. Because there will be days when you want to go to Disney World rather than double or triple up your mortgage payment for the month.

Thou shalt learn to say no - I heard Dave Ramsey talk about this once. Just get used to saying the words, “No, we can’t afford it.” Because once the mortgage is paid off, you can afford it. It’s all about delayed gratification. Learn to say no.

Thou shalt learn to be happy with what one has - As we started paying down our loan, I got good at working with my closet, the things in my house, and not looking to upgrade anything. Saving a penny is truly earning a penny. All those saved pennies equal dollars, which turn into hundreds of dollars, and then thousands of dollars.

Thou shalt find ways to bring in extra money - Find ways to make more money, even if just temporarily. Sell stuff on eBay, pick up a part-time job. Those dollars add up fast and get you debt-free even faster.

Thou shalt pay off all other debts before the mortgage - We did this and it works great. Pay off your small loans or credit card debt first. As you pay each one off, add that amount you were paying to the next debt, and the next debt. Then, after those debts are paid, start adding them to the mortgage.

Thou shalt pray a lot - I prayed all the time about paying off the mortgage. I never stopped asking God to help me find a way to lessen our consumption so we could add those dollars to the mortgage loan. I’m sure He got tired of me asking, but I didn’t stop.

Thou shalt give away a lot - Though we shut our wallets to excessive and extra things, we didn’t to those around us. Paying off a mortgage doesn’t mean it’s time to stop sharing or helping others. By giving, we gain in other ways, particularly love. And who can’t use that? Money is temporal, but love lasts forever. 

Thou shalt not feel sorry for one’s self No. Matter. What. - This seems like a mild tenth commandment, but it really should come first. There will be days when you think, “I deserve this treat,” or “I just want to buy this little thing,” or “Why can’t I have this?” Listen, to be mortgage-free, you will have to act differently than those who have a mortgage! Paying off the mortgage means a no “woe is me” attitude. Buck up, live without, and look to the future of being debt-free.

And here’s a bonus with these ten commandments: If you don’t own a home, but want to save up to buy one, or get a sizable down payment to make the mortgage more affordable, use the same ten commandment method. The method that will pay off your mortgage is the same one that will get you the house in the first place. 

The gist of this whole thing? If you don’t want debt, you have to be willing to give up a lot for as long as it takes.

Self-sacrifice and keeping the goal of paying off the loan have to be at the core of your daily living, so you don’t derail your journey to freedom. But when you achieve it - when you reach your goal of paying off the very last penny of your home loan - it’s a feeling unlike anything else. Let freedom ring!

With credit card debt, you’re paying off past experiences, or things you had to have. But, with a home loan paid off, you now have an asset, an investment, that’s yours, that’s free and clear, and all yours. 

Be warned, it’s not going to be easy. If you decide to pay off your mortgage, it’s going to hurt more than it will feel good. You will question your sanity every day! But the day you make the last payment on your home forever is the day you’ll see why you suffered through what you did. If I can do it, you can do it.

 And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a Disney World trip to plan.

Minimalism is Ongoing

There's a misconception with minimalism that I don't want to deal with, but have to. Actually, there are many misconceptions about minimalism we can have, but this is the main one I have to work on and it is this: That once I'm pared down, I'll never have to pare down again. Yeah, nope. Sorry.

To be honest, I wish this were true. But it isn't. We live in a modern world where things, tangible things, are to be purchased, found, stumbled across, looked for, or accidentally uncovered, no matter where we are. Attics are overflowing. Amazon is at our literal beck and call. So we can get whatever we want, whenever we want. 

As a minimalist, that means I'll still yearn for some things, even though I know I don't need them. Which means I will be paring down forever. This may sound like a downer of an article. But it's not my point. My point is this: you and I will have to be semi-vigilant over the years to not keep the things that act as a weakness for us.

As an example to you all, I always go back to my main weakness - a collection that I have a huge love/frustration with, which is vintage mugs. No one in their right mind needs more than, say, three or four mugs in their cupboard. We have the ability to wash them frequently. We don't need dozens. And yet, the vintage collector and seller that I am will always want to have just one more mug in my cupboard. I can't help it. It's a huge weakness for me.

But it's a weakness because I let it. I frequent thrift stores, and I'm looking for these wonderful vintage mugs to sell, so naturally, I'm going to want them too, because I love the quality and shape of vintage mugs. I'm surrounding myself with my weakness. But after having upwards of sixty mugs in my collection (I know no need to tell me how ridiculous this is), I knew I had to pare down for good and for real!

So I did. And I still am today. I'm at a comfortable 16 mugs right now, which is still a dozen more than I need. But, though I've been into minimalism for eight years, I'm still working through some areas. Vintage mugs are one of them (as are shoes... I love shoes.) 

But by being aware of my kryptonite, I know to be extra aware of what I'm bringing home. When I'm at a thrift store hemming and hawing over a mug, I can ask myself: Do I really love this? Should I instead sell this in my vintage shop? And finally, the dreaded question: Do I need it? That always gets me back into the right frame of mind. But, I will have to always watch myself in this area. 

Of course, that's not to say we can't have some fun. If there's a mug I have to have, then come on, this is a cheap thrill that makes me happy. I'll add it to my mug rotation! But I also know that eventually, I may need to take one away later on. One in, one out. A great rule to abide by, to keep things pared down.

Minimalism is ongoing and something you may always be working on. I know this because it's ongoing for me. We are human, and because we live in a material world, we will battle with material things. But by understanding our battle, we never have to fear that excess will overtake us again. 

We can live with balance, live with less, and still live the best lives we've ever had.

Traveling to Find Truth

Florence at night

Exactly eight years ago today, as I write this, I was on a trip of a lifetime with one of my dearest friends. We went to Italy and sashayed around Venice, Florence, and Rome like we knew what we were doing. (Well, my friend did. She’d already been there before, but this time, she took me!)

This trip was life-changing for several reasons. First, traveling abroad always expands the mind. When you shift into a new culture, with new people, language, food, and activities, you can’t help but change. You are enlightened, entertained, and utterly consumed with a new way of thinking. Old places with a new perspective will do that to a person. 

Second, this was the trip that started my minimalism quest. I’m not sure if my friend knows this today (I hope she does, and she will now!), but this trip across the Atlantic changed the way I lived life. With travel restrictions, we had to travel light and only take a small suitcase (and one carry-on). This suitcase had to be small, which meant we had to be intentional with every piece of clothing we took.

No excess, only the essentials.

I took a trip to Europe when I was 20. But what did I know at 20? Sure, I packed light, but I remember bringing a lot more than I needed. Fast forward two decades, and I can tell you, I have changed. 

Florence, 2017

This time, while in Florence, at our delightful hotel overlooking the bridges of the Arno River, I remember thinking that I was living - and living well - out of a small suitcase with only a fraction of my wardrobe. It was as perplexing as it was enlightening. Not only did I have everything I needed, but I was in love with this simple way of living. I could focus on where I was, not what I was carrying or wearing. 

No worrying over wardrobe, no excess to meddle through, no cares about impressing…just working with the basics that were exactly what I needed. Nothing less, nothing more.

So, what have I learned about minimalism since that fateful trip to Italy? Just this:

We don’t need it all:

We just don’t. We don’t need a giant closet of clothes to live well and satisfied lives. We only need to have the basics, a love for what we own, and to treat them well. A minimalist wardrobe is mix-and-matchable, which means you have a wardrobe that will always be fresh. I don’t need that extra dress, or that extra shirt, or that extra pair of shoes, when it comes to travel. They’re going to be in the way, trust me. Somewhere along the way, the media has convinced us that we need more stuff to live better lives, when it’s really the opposite.

We need to experience more rather than buy stuff:

The older I get, the less stuff I want. I want experiences rather than things piling up in my drawers and closets. I want a trip to the Alps rather than more ski wear. I want a vacation in Peru rather than gadgets and gizmos that get tucked away in a drawer. Of course, there are times when gift-y things are necessary and fun, and wanted! But on the whole, I want memories that last as long as I do, rather than stuff that will eventually erode to the elements of time. My birthday gift this year was a concert. And it was perfect.

Less is more:

I think the biggest flex about traveling to Italy with my friend and only a handful of clothing items was the creativity we got to exhibit. Only two skirts, with two pairs of pants, a dress, and four tops meant mixing and matching every bit of it. I think I brought two pairs of shoes. That was it. I brought a couple of accessories as well, and that was all I needed for the ten days we traveled through the great country of Italy. Did I need anything while I was there? Nope. Did I wish I’d brought more? Nope. In fact, I think I even brought a shirt that I tucked into a side pocket that I forgot about the entire trip. So I brought it along and didn’t even need it or realize it was missing from my wardrobe. Less is so much more, and I learned to appreciate every article of clothing I had. 

Now more than ever, I love living the minimalist way, and I have my friend, Lara, and a trip to Italy to thank for it. It changed my outlook on how to live, giving me a more refined and less wasteful approach to doing things. It also decreased the unbearable stress and unsustainable lifestyle I thought I had to have to be "normal." Normal is overrated. Instead, I appreciate what I have and use all of what I have.

Italy will always be a favorite place because of the transformative changes it created in me to become a happier person. And because of it, minimalism and its freedom filtered into all areas of my life, from home to wardrobe and finances. What a trip!

Ciao.

Want Versus Need

My husband and I recently attended a beautiful concert put on by the band Lord Huron. They're an unusual band in that they combine many different styles of music into one, like folk, pop, rock, and western, and the result is a beautiful style of music that is unique, and hauntingly, their own. They're an alternative/indie band to the utmost.

They have a song called "Nothing I Need," and it's a simple but complex song. From what I can infer, the singer is talking about losing someone he wishes he had kept in his life. He loses a girl and wishes for her back, wishes he'd known what he had, and yet the recurring chorus line is this: "I got everything I want and I got nothing that I need."

This phrase is something a lot of us feel regarding contentment and letting things go. The singer is lamenting his decision to let her go, yet continues to say this haunting phrase. He got what he wanted, but it wasn't what he needed. So, is it worth still wanting what you can't have?

As I sat in a small auditorium in Reno, listening to this musical group of geniuses creating music that took me out of my seat and into somewhere otherworldly, I thought about contentment and minimalism and wanting versus needing, and this is what I got from the song:

"I got everything I want." - This is where the key to happiness lies. There will always be missed opportunities and missed relationships. We aren't omniscient. We are free-will human beings doing the best we can with every choice we make (most of us, anyway), and that means we will choose wrongly despite our best attempts. We can't know where we'll go wrong, sometimes. This is where choosing contentment comes into play. Remind yourself how much you have, how much you have wanted, and also received, even though we all have things we want that we'll never have. Choosing to believe we have "everything we want" puts our whole life into the right perspective. One of gratitude.

Remember, but stop looking back - It's that looking back that will eat away at our heart and soul. We can't go back and change things; we can't go back and make that decision to go in the direction we wished we had gone. We can only work with what we now have. Looking back breaks the heart, and when the heart is broken, the only way to heal it is by moving forward. These two lines in the song are poignant: "I'd give up everything I've got just to have what used to be; You're the one I'll never get and you're the one thing that I need." I believe we all have a relationship (family or friends) we wish we could've had that never was to be. Instead of staying stuck in heartbreak, we have to stop looking back at what could've been and focus on what is. It hurts too much to stay in the "what if" gray area, and it does you no good. 

"And I got nothing that I need" - This line gets to me the most. It tugs at the heart to say we never got what we really needed. But, there will always be something we think we "need," and yet, need is a broad category. What do we really need? To never "have to have" something or an item in your life to feel complete is ultimate freedom, even if it pertains to relationships. This is a tenet of minimalism that most people continue to work on throughout their lives. If I can just have that big house, that car, that vacation, that person. To be content with what God gives us is the goal ... even if it's difficult to get to that mindset and we don't know the reason behind our longing for a specific thing or "need."

Yes, there will always be a loss of some sort for everyone. We all want things we weren't meant to have. But if we can remember what we do have and hold, regardless of what it is, that's a way to circumvent the loss. And by reminding ourselves of everything we have, despite a broken heart, there is a way to move on and be the whole, complete, satisfied people we were meant to be. 

I love this song for what it is. I relate to it fully. But it also reminds me that I can let go and move forward.